When limerence seems chronic: from one obsessive crush to the next

In this article, you'll read about what might be happening if limerence in your life isn't a one-time event but keeps recurring: from one obsessive crush to the next. Perhaps you recognize the feeling of going “all in” on one person repeatedly, your world revolving around them, only to later realize it was essentially the same movie with a different starring actor.

Not much later, I discovered a word for what I had been experiencing all along: limerence. Looking back, I see that my first limerence period began somewhere in my puberty, and that there were certainly six distinct episodes afterward, always with different people, but with strikingly similar patterns. This allows me to write not only from the psychological literature but also from years of experiencing this pattern in my own life.

If you're not sure exactly what limerence is or whether it applies to you, it can be helpful to first calmly Limerence is to read and to better feel the difference with ordinary infatuation. In this blog, we'll focus on the question: what if it wasn't just once, but kept coming back?

What do we mean by “chronic” limerence?

“Chronic limerence” is not an official diagnosis; it is not listed as a term in the DSM, and there is no established protocol yet. Nevertheless, many people, like yourself, recognize a kind of continuous pattern: repeatedly a period of intense fixation on a limerent object (LO), often interspersed with relatively quiet periods in between.

Psychologist Dorothy Tennov already described in the 1970s that limerence is not necessarily a one-time phenomenon. Based on hundreds of interviews, she observed that limerent episodes in a lifetime can occur just once or in a whole series, with different Limerent Objects successively. Each episode could last from weeks to decades, with an average of approximately 18 months to 3 years.

Recent clinical sources and case studies support this view. A comprehensive article on limerence as obsessive attachment describes how individuals can develop a strong, sometimes lifelong tendency to repeatedly cling to an LO, with intrusive thoughts, rituals, and mood swings that impair daily functioning. In her case study, psychotherapist Brandy Wyant shows how she herself had a series of successive LOs from early childhood, each time with the same addictive intensity and need for proximity. This closely aligns with the feeling of “moving from one obsessive crush to the next” that many people recognize.

If you notice that you've also experienced multiple periods of limerence — perhaps starting from puberty, perhaps later on — then it's important to know that this isn't uniquely “weird,” but rather something that both older and recent research takes into account.

From LO to LO: what does such a pattern look like?

When limerence recurs, you often see a few recurring characteristics:

• Every time, someone pops up (often emotionally or practically unavailable) that you become extremely focused on.
• Your thoughts go in loops: daydreaming, replaying conversations, rereading messages, fantasizing about future encounters.
• Your mood shoots up at small signs of attention and plummets at silence, distance, or rejection.
• As an episode wanes or is just ending, after a while, a new LO seems to appear almost automatically, often with strikingly similar dynamics.

In the Wyant case study, the author describes how for years she had a series of non-overlapping LORs: mentors, colleagues, and distant figures. She experienced an intense longing for emotional and sometimes physical closeness, without there being a normal, reciprocal relationship. You might recognize that picture: there is Something reciprocal in the outside world, but internally the intensity is many times higher.

For many people looking back who see multiple limerence periods, it's only later that they find the term. You only “see” the pattern when you place the episodes side by side. That insight can be painful (“how long have I been dealing with this?”), but it can also provide an entry point to look at it differently.

If you find yourself doubting whether your feelings might just be intense infatuation, you can Just in love or limerence? help you to clarify the main differences.

What is under recurring limerence?

Bonding Style and Old Pain

Underlying recurring limerence are often attachment themes and old emotional wounds. Research shows that people with a more anxious or disorganized attachment style are more susceptible to obsessive, one-sided infatuation, precisely because rejection and distance touch upon old pain points: not good enough, not important, not safe.

Each new limerence seems to unconsciously make a promise: “this will be the person who makes a difference.” It's not that limerence is just “attachment,” but attachment often provides the lines along which the energy of limerence moves.

Emotional emptiness and escapism

For some people, limerence also feels like an escape. When daily life feels empty, bland, or heavy, due to stress, trauma, depressive feelings, or loneliness, a new crush can feel like a lifeline: suddenly there is color, excitement, meaning, and direction.

This makes it complicated: limerence is painful and disruptive, but it also provides a kind of rush and focus. Especially if this pattern has been with you since your teenage years, it can feel like you don't really know who you are without that intense focus on someone else. When limerence keeps coming back, it often feels more like an addiction pattern than a one-time crush. Limerence is similar to addiction I'll describe how that addiction logic works and why it's so logical that you keep ending up in the same loop, even when you know better.

Habits of thinking and smartphone use

Recurrent limerence episodes are often fueled by habits in your mind and behavior. Your brain learns to “reach for LO” when experiencing tension, boredom, or loneliness: by fantasizing, by looking online, by rereading messages.

The smartphone often plays a leading role in this. Think of:

• continue checking app contacts;
• Blue ticks scan;
• viewing social media profiles;
• walk or drive slowly in places where you might be able to find LO.

For example, the Wyant case study tracked the amount of time spent on limerence rituals; this amounted to hours per day. Only when she systematically mapped this behavior did it become apparent how significant the role of rituals and habits is in maintaining limerence.

So, recurring limerence usually doesn't mean that a unique soulmate keeps “accidentally” showing up, but rather that a pattern has developed in how your system deals with longing, tension, emptiness, and uncertainty.

What does it *not* say about you?

A recurring pattern of limerence is quickly personalized: “Apparently I'm addicted to crushes,” “I'm relationship-incompatible,” “I'm a hopeless case.” Those are understandable thoughts, but they usually don't help you move forward.

Important to mention what chronic limerence is **not**:

• It doesn't mean you can never have a healthy, reciprocal relationship. (One of my limerence episodes ended in a happy, healthy relationship, and there is life after limerence too)
• It doesn't mean you are “too intense” or “too sensitive” in a way that nothing can be done about it.
• It mainly means that there are themes in your history, attachment, and self-image that require attention, and that your brain has found a specific way to cope with them.

In Why him or her? gLet's delve deeper into why certain people become LOs and others don't, and how that relates to your history, beliefs, and needs. This part can help you get out of the “something is wrong with me” mindset and instead see that there are patterns you can explore.

How can you break the pattern?

Not only look at this LO, but at the pattern

A first important shift is that you don't just look at this one LO, but at your pattern over time. What happens if you place three or four previous periods side by side and ask yourself questions like:

• When did it start, how quickly did it become obsessive?
• Were these people really available for a reciprocal relationship?
• What feelings did I hope this person would resolve for me (e.g., being seen, being special, not being abandoned)?
• Which rituals and thoughts almost always returned?

This kind of reflection isn't meant to “overanalyze” everything, but to get a handle on the common thread. In my workbook Out of the Limerence Loop I guide you precisely with these kinds of patterns: you map out previous episodes, investigate what underlies them, and look at how you can practice different choices in the here and now.

Boundaries around new crushes

If you notice limerence repeatedly returning, it can also help to build in a sort of internal check with new crushes. Not to forbid yourself love, but to spot early when a crush threatens to turn into limerence.

Check question examples:

• Is this person available and actually capable of an
• Does this dynamic resemble previous LOs (unreachable, ambivalent, unclear)?
• Am I feeling that I actually want to fill a void or pain that is older than this person?

From such a check, you can sometimes decide: “I'm not going to fully commit to this,” or conversely: “I'm going to do this slowly and consciously, with extra attention to my boundaries.” In situations where you are already deep in limerence, it may be wise to also look at how you manage contact; that's what we'll be discussing. No contact with limerence elaborate on it.

To regain your attention

Because recurring limerence so strongly relies on intrusive thoughts and rituals, it is crucial to learn how to redirect your attention back to yourself and your own life. Research on obsessive thinking shows that breaking rumination and ritualistic patterns (such as constant checking, scrolling, fantasizing) is an important factor in recovery.

You can't force your mind to stop thinking about someone, but you can practice how to deal with those thoughts. In my workbook Out of the Limerence Loop gI use many practical exercises and small experiments to help you, step by step, become less swept away and feel more grounded in the here and now. It usually doesn’t happen all at once, but with focused practice, you’ll often notice that your thoughts settle down a little more often and that you’re regaining control of your life.

It is wise to seek help when

If limerence feels like something that keeps coming back, it's very understandable to feel tired, hopeless, or confused. In some cases, it's wise to look into what's going on with a professional:

• If you find yourself in a state of limerence almost constantly, without longer periods of calm.
• If limerence noticeably harms your work, studies, relationships, or health.
• If there is a history of trauma, depression, anxiety, obsessive tendencies, or severe self-doubt.

Wyant's case study shows that a cognitive-behavioral approach (including exposure and response prevention, cognitive restructuring, and behavioral activation) can significantly reduce the number of rituals and help one view limerence thoughts differently. Because limerence is not yet well-known in the clinical world, it is often helpful to seek out someone who is familiar with attachment, OCD-like patterns, and addiction dynamics.

This blog is intended for explanation and support, not for diagnosis or as a substitute for therapy. However, it can be a starting point for looking more honestly at your own patterns and allowing yourself to ask for help if needed.

Frequently Asked Questions about What to Do if Limerence Keeps Coming Back

About the author

Sidney C. Solace is a writer with a background in investigative journalism and years of personal experience with limerence and, more importantly, overcoming it.

She explores the psychological patterns behind obsessive infatuation and attachment, and writes for people who seem to function on the outside but feel completely consumed by one person on the inside. In Out of the Limerence Loop, she combines theory and practice to give readers more language, calm, and direction on their path to recovery.